BPD is a highly intrusive state to live with. These people live in a state that is infected with high drama and too much pain. Feeling that people don’t care or understand, that you are wrong or bad and only worthy of being mistreated and abandoned often generates crippling pain.
It can feel horribly isolating and confusing.
Emptiness of self. I look inside and I don’t know what’s there.
Self-harm is common, due to deep feelings of anger, frustration, and self-loathing.
The sense of self is clouded in a high reactivity that is incredibly destructive-and contributes to crippling shame.
It can feel at times that you have no control. You may observe yourself doing things that you know are wrong and destructive-but you just cant help it. Something else seems to take over-some deep wound that feels eternally raw.
Relationships can be very difficult to navigate. It seems the closer the person the more dangerous or volatile things become.
Impulsivity is common. Even if the choices are known to be poor or destructive the impulsiveness leads to situations that extend or amplify unhappiness. And often exacerbate the feelings of abandonment.
Dissociation can be a common occurrence where you leave your body and feel disconnected and unreal. Something takes over and it feels very unsafe. But you can’t stop it.
Many people living with BPD move towards addictions to self medicate-drugs, alcohol, sex, and/or gambling.
Suicidal thoughts can emerge in the hope of easing suffering and chronic psychological pain, or as an act of pure rage.